Posts

Creating Your Own Culture

  One of the most beautiful things about marriage is that we have control over what the culture of our home will be. You and your spouse will work together to create the culture you want. Yes, your backgrounds will impact the culture of your home, but you have the opportunity to change (for better or worse) what your parents did. Both you and your spouse will (most likely) come from different backgrounds, and so when you get married, you are blending two different cultures. To avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt, make sure to communicate well about expectations and desires, before problems arise. For instance, my fiance and I come from two very different cultures. His family is blended (meaning that his parents divorced and his father remarried) and so that brings a completely different culture to the table than my culture. However, he is not letting his family's culture define what his culture will be with me. My family, on the other hand, is full of love and there was ne...

Parenting Types and Children's Needs

Parenting is a difficult task. There is a lot of pressure and risk involved as parents are in charge of protecting and preparing their children for the rest of their lives. There are different types of parenting, but there are three that I will touch on. Autocratic, permissive, and active (also called authoritative or democratic) parenting.  In an autocratic parenting situation, there are typically frequent battles with your children. There are power struggles that probably come from anger and frustration at your child and what they are doing. This type of parenting can cause a lot of rebellion as the child wants to make choices, but is not able to because of how you (as a parent) handle the situations. A way to combat this is to offer choices (that are situation and age appropriate) and teach them the consequences of their actions as doing so teaches them responsibility. Letting children learn from natural consequences is essential, EXCEPT when 1) it is too dangerous, 2) the lesso...

Fathers

Fathers are essential. I have known and felt the results of this throughout my whole life. To support my own ideas, I did some reading, and the article “ The Importance of a Father in a Child’s life ” supported many of the ideas that I have felt and seen. Fathers are essential for the emotional development of their children, setting the bar for relationships with others, for their daughters, and their sons. An involved father promotes inner growth and strength. When fathers are involved in their children's lives in an affectionate and supportive way, it increases the child's cognitive and social development. Fathers should also bring security, both physical and emotional. Good fathers are essential to show their children what good healthy relationships should look like. Children base relationships off of what their relationship with their father is, or how their father treats their mother, their siblings, and themselves. When they have a healthy relationship, then they are able...

Learning to Work Hard in a Family Setting

Work in my family has been a main focus. We have been working hard since we could walk basically. We always had a garden and pets of some kind. We also have always had a large yard so there has always been work to do. Especially with ten people in my family, there has always been housework as well. Working together as a family brings us closer together. We have spent mornings (as an entire family) depoopifying our front field from our two horses. There are also moments where it would just be a few of us working together. For instance, my Dad works super hard all the time, but he will set aside time to help us take care of the horses. I can’t count the times when he has gone out and helped with the chores because he loved us, and wanted to help us. He would also encourage us to work with him. Mom would do the same. When she would go out to the garden or orchard, she would always encourage us to go out and work/prune/harvest/weed with her. From when I was little we have been involved in ...

The Essential Nature of Communication

  It has been said that the key to a successful relationship is communication, and I completely agree. When there is a lack of communication then there is more room for misunderstandings, which can make relationships more difficult. However, when there is open and frequent communication, then there is less room for there to be misunderstandings, and the relationship is most likely stronger than it would be otherwise. Also, getting married before you are wealthy gives the two of you time to grow together before there are a lot of options for ways to spend the money. Because of this, how the money you have is spent needs to be discussed, and gives you two the opportunity to learn to communicate well, hopefully with the counseling method. There are 5 secrets of effective communication which fall into the categories of empathy, assertiveness, and respect.  Within the empathy category, there is the disarming technique, where you find some truth in what the other person is saying, e...

Cultured Mental Illnesses?

  Many people believe that their brains are broken when they have anxiety or depression. However, that is not the case. We are beautifully and wonderfully made by a creator that does not make mistakes. Depression is a state of mind that can occur from many different things including trauma, heartbreak, PTSD, bullying, moving, just to name a few. Depression meds in some instances are placebos, because it gives them hope. However, God gives us the prescriptions we need. We are given everything we need to make it through this life. Depression comes when there is no perceived escape from the perception of danger, and hope is a way to escape the perception of danger.  Oftentimes, it is not the event or situation themselves, but it’s how we define them. If you think you are going to be miserable, then you will be miserable. The total experience comes from the actual event, both responses and resources (extended family, structure, phase of family life, money, coping mechanisms, relig...

Sexual Intimacy

  There are many differences in male and female sexual responses and because of that there are lots of challenges and opportunities that arise. Males tend to be aroused very quickly, have a short plateau, and then after an orgasm have to have some time to recover before they are able to have another orgasm. In females however, arousal may take a while, they may plateau for a long time, and they are able to have more than one orgasm without recovery time(which has been described as a pleasant sneeze). Because of these differences, there are lots of challenges that may occur, but also provide lots of opportunities to grow closer together. Women may be distracted during sex, whereas men are typically very focused while they are having sex. There are many false expectations in the world today about sex because of movies and porn that is prevelant all over. Typically when there is a hook up, the woman is more attached than the man is afterwards. There is also often only a love for their...