The Essential Nature of Communication

 It has been said that the key to a successful relationship is communication, and I completely agree. When there is a lack of communication then there is more room for misunderstandings, which can make relationships more difficult. However, when there is open and frequent communication, then there is less room for there to be misunderstandings, and the relationship is most likely stronger than it would be otherwise. Also, getting married before you are wealthy gives the two of you time to grow together before there are a lot of options for ways to spend the money. Because of this, how the money you have is spent needs to be discussed, and gives you two the opportunity to learn to communicate well, hopefully with the counseling method.

There are 5 secrets of effective communication which fall into the categories of empathy, assertiveness, and respect. 

Within the empathy category, there is the disarming technique, where you find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair. There is also empathy, which includes thought empathy (where you paraphrase their words in your own words) and feeling empathy (where you acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling, based on what she or he said). There is also inquiry, where you ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. With these techniques, you are really able to connect with the other person and see the situation how they see it, which is extremely beneficial in avoiding misunderstandings and hurt feelings. 

The assertiveness category involves the classic “I feel” statements. Even though these “I feel” statements may seem or feel childish, they are very effective and essential in communication. Within these statements you are able to express your own ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner, which leave very little room for misunderstandings. 

Respect is huge in relationships. One way to show respect in communication is by stroking. Stroking is where you convey an attitude of respect, even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. You should find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of the battle. Really let them know that you care and appreciate them even if you disagree. 

In Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 it states, “let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

We need to be kind and honest with our words. It is possible to be honest as well as kind, however this skill takes time to master. 

Communication in marriage is essential, and a fantastic way of communicating is to counsel together. The two of you can become good at making decisions together. Counseling together should be done often. Begin with 5-10 minutes of things that you love and appreciate about the other person, and then say a prayer together for guidance. Then discuss the issue with “what the Lord would have us do” on the forefront of your mind. Then pray together again for confirmation, and if you do not feel the confirmation, then repeat the process until you feel the confirmation of the spirit. Then, once you have received confirmation, then eat chocolate or pie, or some small treat. Doing so will begin and end the counsel with coming together and building relationships. Make sure to discuss until you are both in agreement or to consensus. Also, always follow promptings, doing so will increase the trust that God has in you.