Creating Your Own Culture

 One of the most beautiful things about marriage is that we have control over what the culture of our home will be. You and your spouse will work together to create the culture you want. Yes, your backgrounds will impact the culture of your home, but you have the opportunity to change (for better or worse) what your parents did. Both you and your spouse will (most likely) come from different backgrounds, and so when you get married, you are blending two different cultures. To avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt, make sure to communicate well about expectations and desires, before problems arise. For instance, my fiance and I come from two very different cultures. His family is blended (meaning that his parents divorced and his father remarried) and so that brings a completely different culture to the table than my culture. However, he is not letting his family's culture define what his culture will be with me. My family, on the other hand, is full of love and there was never abuse or fighting. Together, my fiance and I are able to create the culture we want in our future home and family. We are able to break free from the toxic cultures that may have been present in our homes as we strive to keep the Spirit with us. 

With this idea of building your own culture, understand that you are not trapped in the past. The culture you were brought up in does not need to be the culture you create in your own family. You are able to create your own culture with your future spouse. I will be able to create a culture filled with love, trust, security, peace, hard work, and so much more with my future husband. We can and will break free from the unhealthy coping mechanisms that were present in both of our homes. We will show our future children how to best cope with our emotions and just life in general in healthy ways. We will be able to teach them about the importance of healthy eating, exercise, and sleep, as well as helping them find and connect on a deep, personal level with Jesus Christ. The relationship they have with Christ is crucial to their success. We can also teach them that it is okay to not be okay, which was not really taught in my own home.  

Another very important point to understand is that you are building the future. You and your spouse will be the teachers of the next generation. You personally need to know and understand that the person you choose to marry will be your children’s parent. That being said, is your spouse the type of person you want to raise your children with? Are they someone who you want because of their personality, character, and work ethic, and not just their body? Will they work hard alongside you to create a safe place as the world becomes so corrupt? Are they willing to work hard when times get taught…without filing a divorce? (side note on divorce… find someone who is willing to work through anything with you and is not afraid to go to therapy or counseling if needed. However, divorce is, sadly, sometimes needed. When one (or both) individuals are unwilling to change or there is abuse, unloyalty, manipulation etc, then divorce may need to be considered…now back to what you should look for in your spouse) Are they someone who will help you rear your children in righteousness? Will they put God first, and help you bring your family closer to God? These are some of the questions you should ask yourself either while you are looking to date, dating, or when you are already married. All things considered, just know that you hold the power to change.