Types of Dating, why we date, advice, and bonding

 There are two different types of dating that we normally see in the modern world. Those are assortative dating, and the “date to hate” philosophy. Assortative dating is where you start out with lots of different people(aka going on lots of dates with different people) and then narrowing down from there based on if you liked the date or person. Date to hate on the other hand, is where you hone in on one person until you hate them. 

There can be lots of advice that people give, but some are better than others. It is best to date for a year or two because it takes time to get to know someone well. People may often forget to think, which is really bad. Relationships aren’t just about feelings. Use your brain and think about the logistics. You need to remember and think about the future. What do you want your future spouse to be like. Make sure to date someone who you want your future spouse to be like. Remember, you aren’t just dating for you, you are also dating to find the parent to your children. Make wise decisions and understand the consequences of making wrong decisions now. Know who your future spouse is, know how they react in different situations. Make a choice and then stick with it. Choose your love, and love your choice. Finally, shared values are incredibly important to a successful marriage. If you and your spouse do not have shared values, then the marriage tends to fall apart more easily than if they do have shared values. 

There can be many reasons why we are attracted to an individual, but typically it is because of these four things; visual appearance, character, personality, and if it feels right. Visual appearance has a key role in attraction. However, their character and personality (behavioral tendencies over time) will either make or break their attractiveness. Those who have a terrible personality and are attractive, become less attractive as you get to know them, and vice versa for those who may not have been as attractive, but have a wonderful personality. If it feels right, then people are more likely to begin building a relationship, and if it does not feel right, then they will (hopefully) not build a relationship with that person. 

When beginning any time of relationship, there is bonding that occurs. It is commonly understood that the more physical you are with someone, then the more you will be attached, or the more that you will bond and be dependent on one another. For women, there is a specific bonding chemical that they produce, and only women can produce it. This bonding chemical is oxytocin. Oxytocin is also referred to as the cuddle, love and feel good hormone. Oxytocin is critical in the bonding of mother to child as well as with bonding in romantic relationships. Oxytocin is produced in the hypothalamus, and is released in the pituitary glands when women are physically affectionate. When oxytocin is released, feelings of trust, connection, and bonding occur with the “warm fuzzies” that are experienced with being physically affectionate with someone. Make sure to be intentional with any development of relationships. Aka do not cuddle with those who you do not love, or have a healthy relationship with. Also, non committal make outs (NCMO) are bad because you are making that connection with someone that you do not intend to keep, which can cause pain and confusion when those feelings of bonding arise. Do not build relationships you don’t value and want to keep. That will only cause heartache in the years to come.