Getting to Marriage, and First Year of Marriage

 In the last blog I wrote about the different types of dating. Something very important to know is that it is very easy to slide into marriage, and that is not good. Attachments that are easily made, are easily broken. After dating (going on dates (potentially with multiple people) there is courtship. Courtship is exclusively dating with marriage in mind. During courtship, make sure to allow space to grow apart from each other. Then comes the engagement. The proposal itself is sacred and intimate, and should be a private event. Every person has their preferences, but it is best if it is sacred and intimate. Then there are boundaries put in place that will last through marriage. With the engagement, that is a good time to close relationships with other people, specifically those of the opposite gender. The guy should propose on one knee for multiple reasons. Proposing on one knee shows that he is vulnerable and committed first. It also shows that he has incredible respect for her. Being below her also shows humility. He is also looking up to her, which is important. He should be marrying someone that he wants to be like, or build a kingdom with. 

The next part in the progression is marriage. Marriage isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Marriage shouldn’t be about the reception, it should be about the covenant that you made with your spouse and God. The average wedding costs about $34k. Most couples don’t have $34k that they can just spend, so they will get the money through loans, credit cards, parents, friends, and delaying marriage, children and education. As you plan the reception, don’t forget to plan the marriage. Most people only plan the wedding, but not the actual marriage. Be intentional in keeping the relationship growing. 

There are lots of adjustments that come with being married, specifically in the first little bit of being married. Within the first month there are adjustments made to budgets, finance, money, and the priorities with that. There are adjustments in communication on how to resolve conflict, how to live, sexual intimacy, and decision making. Within the first year, there are adjustments to managing time, how the household taste and roles are divided (these will also change over time as children come along, or injuries etc). There are also adjustments to cultural expectations, extended family connections, and children. With the children, it needs to be decided when, how many, and how you will raise them. Talking about this before marriage is super important as this can be a sticky spot in marriage if it is not talked about. You are meshing two different backgrounds, and so each person will bring different ideas to the table. There have been studies conducted that show that marital satisfaction tends to decrease after each child. However, having children can bring you closer if you actively try to. Otherwise it can cause a drift. With the delivery process, rely on your spouse, not your parents. Have your spouse directly involved with the delivery process. 

There is a lot to know and learn about marriage, and here are just a couple other things that are good to know about marriage. First off, a great marriage isn’t natural. It is not easy. However, it is possible to make yours supernatural. The most common time for divorce is within the first two to five years of marriage, and then once the kids leave the house. Marry someone who will listen and try to understand what you are going through, especially when there are disagreements. When you marry someone like that then you do not have to fear divorce.